by Carla Anon*

 

 

 Be Warm but pure; be amorous but be chaste ~ Lord Byron, English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, 1.306. (1809)

 

All things considered colleagues know me for my ability to communicate complex ideas in simple language, course detail, order, and leadership. I know what goes where, when, how, and why. I also have a taste for the exotic and romantic. Being one of a few women in my department I try to build upon the knowledge of my students and colleagues.

My personal life was unexceptional. I was in a marriage that needed added stimulus to balance work at the university that included committee meetings, workshops, and conferences. I also possess more physical stamina than my husband. He’s bright, funny, and consumed by his research. We were and are busy. 

We set time aside for each other that was always postponed. And when we did have the time we were not into pills to encourage immediate physical gratification. We were very much immersed in our own worlds.

Several years ago, after watching an opera together on cable television we had a long conversation over drinks about our relationship. Our talk led to the meaning of chaste, more to the point of using chastity as one method to bring us together. I shared some readings with my husband about the reasoning for chastity. He already had an intellectual interest as I guessed he might. Our talks were about imfusing some erotic pleasure to counterbalance the loss of intimacy. It wasn’t about being celibate or other salacious Internet misleading’s, like humiliation. It was for us about adapting our thinking.

As a woman of middle age, I’m in very good health. As a professor at a university in the southern United States, I love my work and am disciplined.  My husband who also teaches is my loving companion and we’ve had days devoted to conversations about each other’s roles. He admitted he wasn’t self-disciplined as much as me and when the idea of chastity was discussed, we talked about it at length. We both agreed to experiment with different methods to help him and myself while replacing the lost eroticism and how we might stimulate our marriage.  Would orgasm denial help initiate greater physical and emotional intimacy? 

As a sidebar, we are independent in our politics and social life and though both of us were raised Southern Baptists we developed our own beliefs. 

Finally, during the the pandemic we decided to experiment. Our mutually agreed upon idea was that chastity would serve as a way in helping him focus (orgasm denial) while bringing his attention to our mutual desires and excite both our imaginations and responses.

Communication became a must. We discovered there were a variety of “cages” and “belts” for the penis, most of which appeared uncomfortable over any length of time. All devices, unless permanently attached, are escapable. And one size does not fit all so we purchased a device that appeared would fit him and our wishes.

The consequence was that we also decided to renew our vows, with him wearing the chastity device under his suit, while I wore a revealing dress that afternoon. The ceremony took place at our house with a few friends in attendance. The ceremony was conducted by a friend associated with a non-denominational  church. The erotic intensity during our vows that we designed was fun. The experience afterwards was a beginning. We hadn’t had sex in over six months. It was a single night without chastity. The next day he was back in chastity.

The chastity device surprisingly has lasted a few years. I keep the key on an ankle bracelet and unlock it on the weekends. We decided on five days a week in chastity. (We have an extra key in a drawer at home for urgences). An orgasm through a cage can hurt. The cage requires cleaning. It was a reminder that this method is not for everyone. We suspect, without proof, that we are in a very small minority.

It’s a lifestyle that has worked for us. He has become more attentive and found it to be erotic expressed through flowers to earrings, to baths and massages. He wears smile more often. We both do. Our communication has improved.

My husband doesn’t have the same stamina as me as noted earlier, even before chastity, and he appreciates the relief from the pressure to perform. Testosterone ads feed into the insecurities of the corporate definitions of manhood. And insecurity and fear are political, social, and religious instruments of control.

We both agreed I would be in control of his penis. The psychology of it has transformed our thinking. And he looks forward to our intimacies both physical, intellectual, and emotional, as I do.

He knows about my experiences in life as we have spent time talking about them. We indulge each other’s amorous wishes. I honor his loyalty to me. We continue with most academic and social activities.  I should add he has perfected his oral skills. This has lasted longer than either of us expected. How much longer?

As long as it’s fun and pleasurable for both of us. We are looking at ways to compliment the aging process and he knows it’s not about size or hardness and softness. Our companionship is strong. Eventually we know we will probably move on from a chastity device, later or sooner.

The most rewarding decisions for us as a couple are decisions where we found mutual agreement and support. The foreplay of our imagination has led us down new paths. Other paths are still to be explored.

*nom de plume            `