Marriage is both exciting and absurd; one promises to stay with one person for the rest of their life, and all the while, having or having not had a good example via one’s parents.
So in my past, I have tried several times to figure this process out, and how to make things work. This story is my path to the varied elements of personal enlightenment and what I uncovered were the nuances I was unaware of, that still haunt me to this day.
I was frustrated and depressed at times with my marriage. I had pledged to stay married until death do us part.
Then one day I anonymously entered a chat board, and was privately messaged by a younger man.
Ping, I have a message. Wow, someone is talking to me. This is a new thing and I’ve not been in this spot before, so now what? I will see what is going on.
Elon: Hey babe, I can help with your frustration.
Me: I’m married, but I am not sure if it is me or not.
Elon: What is wrong babe?
Me: Kind of personal dude. And stop the babe routine.
Elon: Sorry, you are on a chat board. No excuse. I would like to help you.
Me: I’m just looking for knowledge, nothing else.
Elon: Well, I like how you look.
Me: Ugh. Seriously I need help.
Elon: What is the issue? You’re hot. SO can you send me some sexy photos of you?
Me: Good grief! I don’t know you. I’m not here to cheat. I need answers.
Elon: But you’re here on the board instead of in marriage counseling or therapy? So ask away. Maybe I can help?
Me: Well, let’s just say my husband isn’t as into me as I’d like. And he’s not into seeking counseling.
Elon: Well as an alternative scenario I have about “eight” for you if your need something….
Me: Yeah right. Oh, Please! I’ve heard that line before. Seriously I am trying to make my marriage work. I have two kids, and I am ummm, not getting what I need, and I want to make this work.
Elon: Dear, what else seems to be the problem?
Me: Let’s just say a favorite number of mine is 69. He used to play along, but now after we’ve been married, he is a 3-minute man. Sadly start to finish on a good day is 15 minutes, including HIS backrub. I find myself wondering how I will ever make it years in this situation,
Elon: Do you give him head?
Me: I actually have to ask permission to touch him. I feel like he is shaming me.
Elon: So you’d give him a blowjob? Does he eat out your pussy?
Me: Elon, this feels so shady talking about this with you. Missionary or doggy is the best he gives. (Tears of frustration and embarrassment flow.)
I know I do not taste bad as I’ve tasted myself. I have read about eating pineapple before oral. I have a clean diet and rarely eat junk food. I just do not know what to do. He actually did once, when we were dating, on vacation, go down on me.
In my first marriage, my ex would do it like once a year. The first time I felt like I was falling off a cliff, and tried not to orgasm, as I was afraid what would happen with his mouth down there.
I remember him complaining that his throat hurt, as I came so much. Sadly he only would umm, service me like that once a year or less. I learned then how crazy my body could respond.
I can’t believe I am telling you all of this
Elon: You’re fucking hot. If it were me, I know it easy to say this, but I’d rip your clothes off, and put my full mouth on your pussy, and suck all the juice out of you, then put my fat long dick inside of you, and pump until you were filled with my cum. I’d make you beg for more, every morning, at noon, and at night. I’d give you more than you could ever imagine.
Me: Please stop! Good grief. I just need to know if it’s me.
Elon: I don’t know. Well you said you taste good, so I am assuming you smell good, and I saw you photos, so face and body are hot; seriously it is likely him. I’m not calling him gay or anything yet, or saying he is cheating, but it isn’t you. I don’t know the whole story but from what you’ve said…
Me: Seriously… I need help.
Elon: Call baby, you are safe from me there. I’ll leave my number.
I felt excited, dirty, shameful, all at once. I wasn’t looking to cheat; yet I was curious and hungry for answers. A real man, with sexy hot abs, so sue me, I’m human, he called me hot, wanted to “eat my pussy”, liked what he saw, and asked to hear my voice.
The next day:
Elon: Hey hot stuff, had any good eats yet, lol?
Me: Geeze, you sure know how to immediately throw a girl off her game.
Elon: Yeah well if I were there I’d….
Me: Seriously, stop the nonsense.
Elon: I’m just saying I’d put that mouth on your pussy for hours, until you’d beg me to stop.
Me: Can’t you find someone else to talk to. This is not helping….
Two days later:
Elon: You mad at me?
Me: Just too busy with my fucked-up world. Kids, no loving, a house to clean, lawn to mow, and a husband that is too busy for all of us.
Me: YES, if you must know it is a general state of being for me!
Elon: Come on call me…
Elon: I can tell more about you, and I promise to tell you secrets about how to test him.
Me: I can’t. Kids are here, house is a mess, lawn needs to be mowed, and he is no-where to help with any of it.
Elon: You know I can try….
Me: Fuck off.
A week later:
Elon: You’ve ignored me for days now. I saw a photo you posted in the fitness forum. You are hot!
Me: Ugh maybe I am fat. Maybe if I lost 15 pounds. He met me when I was only 108 lbs. I am about 120 after the baby now.
Elon: You look like you are what 5’7?
Me: 5’6”, not quite 5’7”
Elon: You have some sexy curves… If he ain’t hitting on you….then it’s something else you haven’t thought about. Gay or cheating come to mind or?
Me: He was a runner in high school and college, so maybe I am too fat for him.
Elon: Maybe he’s just not into you anymore…or doesn’t like himself? Why blame yourself?
Elon: Come on pick up the phone, call me.
About two weeks later:
Elon: You still crying over the 3-minute man?
Me: What are you up to”
Elon: Don’t change the subject. Pick up the phone. Just call me. I won’t bite. Fuck I’m over 16 hours from where you are. I saw your post about the Bay Area where you live.
Me: Are you stalking me?
Elon: …only your photos.
Me: I need to go. I have to go for a long walk. I’m frustrated, fat, and he is here being a jerk to me, as usual. “Fat ass” seems to be my new name. Sandy is not good enough, though my parents seemed to think it fine.
Elon: Call me.
I then put on my running shoes, asked my mom next door to watch the kids, as “the ass” couldn’t be bothered with watching our kids, or contributing to the reduction of my offensive ass.
I took my phone, and then left the house. When I was at the end of the lane I dialed Elon.
Me: It’s me.
Elon: I thought it might be.
Me: I feel like this is wrong. I should go.
Me: I think I’m down a pound.
Elon: Oh down is where I’d be.Me:
Me: Elon come on.
Elon: Do you need meditate, masturbate or fuck someone so you can think straight again. How long has it been?
Me: He just was with me a day ago.
Elon: Better than me.
Me: Yeah….3 minutes.
Elon: You know what I’m doing? I’m looking at your pictures on the site. You are hot. I’d do you every day of the week, and in between too. I’m stroking my thick dick thinking about grabbing your tits and putting my mouth on your hard-erect nipples.
Me: You can’t see my nipples.
Elon: I can see their outline in the photo you posted on the fitness board. Your stomach is fine… I’d take my tongue and trace it down your abs to lick your clit, and make you moan for hours.
Me: Erratic breathing.
Elon: As I stroke myself, I want you to think about me putting it inside you as I give it to you first hard, and the second round sweetly. I will ride you first from behind, then I will look into your eyes as I cum inside you, but only after you’ve cum at least 3 times. The only three you’ll get from me is orgasms, no less.
Me: Listening I hear him go quiet.
Elon: In a husky voice – Talk to me baby; stroke me with your voice.
And this is how it begun. I learned that I was not a “fat ass”, and over many conversations I began to understand that 3 minutes was his choice, a selfish controlling way and very abusive.
Elon and I spoke I’d say a dozen or more times, yet I never participated in the sexual banter, but I began to go very quiet. He could tell from my breathing that I was experiencing a sexual peak or even more than one, just listening to him cum.
I learned that sex was multi-sensual. Touch, sound, taste, sight, and smell were integral in the experience. Each sense added a nuance that enhanced the experience.
Sound was not something I’d ever before noticed during sex. I was almost embarrassed about my moaning, my whimpers of complete and utter joy.
I never met Elon. Our last phone call he just wanted to hear my voice one last time. I was reading Harry Potter to my children, and I could hear his erratic breathing pattern in my ear, and my attention became so divided that I could no longer read. A tear slipped from my eye, and slid down my cheek as I discreetly hung up the phone.
As my children were drifting off to sleep, I knew my marriage was over. I had devolved to near orgasming from a mere phone call to a man I’d never meet, yet traded secrets in hopes of saving my marriage. What I’d never realized is that I did not have a marriage.
A man over 800 miles away could get inside my head, and managed to care enough to make me orgasm, and my husband less than 1000 feet away in another room could care less.
I knew within my heart I was done in this marriage.
Sadly too, I realized, lol, that if I were in an airport, and heard Elon’s voice, never having met him in person, or even seen more than one or two photos of him, would become instantly wet.
My moral lesson: if one partner does not care, and communication is one sided, then you have no marriage, no matter what you do. Further, sounds are entirely important to realizing where you are… just saying.