Higher Love. The art of Playful romance

Source.. ’Divine Play’.BiljanaArt.com

by Hilary Bowring, Contributing Editor

 Let’s do the Shiva and Shakti dance!

Hindu myths propose the idea of Shiva the divine masculine, the witness and Shakti the divine feminine of movement and flow. Shiva is the energy of stillness, order, directness, single focus, grounded presence. Shakti is the feminine energy of creative power and movement; she is multi focussed, receptive, regenerative, fierce and raw. In India the play between the masculine and feminine is shown by Shakti dancing and attracting Shiva into life. We can do this dance too and create a tension loop that builds when a woman subtly starts  asserting her feminine open, seductive, playful nature. Leads her man out of his head into his heart. The dance continues when a man asserts his directness & stability to hold the dancer and take the lead, encouraging her free expression as she takes leaps and bounds!

And like magic the polarity is charged! .

This concept is not gender based, the divine masculine and feminine energies are present in all genders. It’s a continuum along a polarity from masculine to feminine and we can sit at different points along the scale irrespective of gender and sometimes lean toward one side or the other. For this conversation I’ll use the words man and woman, yang and yin to represent the polarities. Whatever our gender the polarities of yin and yang need to be strong in romantic sexual relationships. If the polarities weaken we end up with no charge of excitement, flat line chemistry and we’re living with a room-mate not a lover!

Playful Romance is a dance: The Love polarity keeps the dance engaging and the mystery pulsating. To play we consciously choose masculine and feminine positions and do the dance of ‘hunter’ and ‘desired’. Excitement for both builds until the male intense passion reaches a crescendo; a peak of bliss that then crashes like a spent wave. Both Satisfied hopefully! After the pleasure is absorbed a playful women can re-ignite his desire with teasing seduction, and start a new dance!

The Dance Positions


  • Act like a prize, you are a valuable prize. You embody the divine feminine qualities of compassion and playfulness. You are the regenerative capability of life, spiritually and emotionally. Build your innerdivine feminine energy by valuing these in yourself then you transmit vibes that he can feel. You allure him into hunting. Embodying this energy steps beyond nudging for attention with intellectual wittiness and game playing into irresistible attraction. Beam out your presence from your whole body.
  • Set boundaries. Men like a challenge. Establish who you are; be clear about your wants and needs, while avoiding ‘needy’ behaviour. Set aside old cultural beliefs that being low maintenance is attractive. While its true that men don’t like constant emotional drama men are not turned on by easy going! A woman who embodies feminine confidence, boundaries and poise while still being emotionally expressive is a Man-Magnet! Her womb metaphorically holds the excitement of new birth.

Man –

  • Be the director, the stable oak of the dance, make her trust you to support her, through all her spontaneous swirls and fancy footwork. Respect her time and need to establish her routine that may take a bit longer than yours…Give positive comments about her personality and appearance. Be adoring, make her feel cherished and special. Serenade her with music that speaks the words you cannot express. Appreciate her in ways most comfortable for you—touch, words, acts of care, gifts. Open to the new depths she beckons you into. As a man becomes more conscious he can fearlessly approach her emotional adventures, ask questions and allow her to take him to a deeper place of intimacy.

Keeping the dance Alive:

Boosting the Masculine energies, his Yang

  • RESPECT –the biggest deal to him, more important than feeling loved is to be praised and thanked. Sometimeswith language that appeals to his valour like: ‘I couldn’t have done this without you.” Letting him take controlfrom time to time respects him as provider and risk taker– Many emancipated women are used to organizing everything, can be de-masculinising to her man. Let him plan the dates & events, let him decide jobs, projects etc
  • Give him Space. –Yang characteristics are analytical, logical, compartmentalizing so when a situation moves into an emotional spin, he needs time to make sense of it. Needs cave time…. Could be for an extended period as long as 8weeks!
  • Support activities that boost his testosterone—sports etc. Encourage his time with the guys!
  • Keep the hunter principle alive –Always leave him wanting more… Women tend to offer too much. Pull back remind him of the prize you are, make him work for your attention. Be silent sometimes, putting your own needs first. Not game playing but this gives him the thrill of the chase!

Men boosting your own yang..As a woman I’d love to hear more about how you do this—I know about the need for cave time to digest feelings. And the cave itself for guy activities, the big screen TV, woodwork room, sports. Sexual fantasies—in the old days Playboy centre fold, now Tiktok, and soft porn sites…

Boosting the Feminine energies Her Yin

Ideally her Yin is boosted by a  man who can embrace her with love even when she’s crazy emotional, he secures her with love.

Siva: “Imagine you are angry, run into your room and slam the door..leave me alone…your man goes off to allow you time to cool off..Imagine instead that your man comes into your room-you push  him away..But he stays in place..tells you how much he loves you and that he’s going to keep holding you , loving you until he feels you loving him too.”  David Deida

For women. Boosting your own yin

-Pamper yourself—Bubble bath, spas, massages, aesthetics. Curl up with a book. Say ‘No’ more to have more “Me time’.

-Learn to Receive more. Be receptive. Imagine yourself as the receiver not the director – Women’s liberation was so necessary but needs adjustment in romance and in the bedroom. Many women have been leading relationships using masculine energy but that neutralizes the spark of attraction. Allow him to point the way- men bond when they feel successful at making women happy, they like to give. Ask for help

–-Behave in a feminine way. Be kitten like sometimes, use intuition, be spontaneous and playful. -Wear attractive soft feminine clothes, high heels, jewelry etc. Whatever makes you feel feminine and desirable to yourself.

Communication Differences

  • Male Communication style – Conveys information and calls to action, not keen to discuss feelings. Compartmentalizes thoughts. Men speak from the doing centre and from their head. Men try to solve problems, see no value in listening whereas sometimes women just want to be heard. Talking about the relationship doesn’t connect. They dread ‘the Talk’!
  • Feminine Communication style- The feminine way is to open doorways whether or not the man enters must be entirely his decision, seductive words can encourage the leap inside. Women communicate with emotions and feelings, but are sometimes silenced by male distancing. In healthy conditions she continues to express her feelings in a loving playful way


Bridging the difference with Yin energy.

Yin is found in the heart

Connect Hearts.  Yin means connecting with our own heart and his, giving and receiving love. Expressing emotions opens the door to Love- Staying open and expressive is the key and being vulnerable. Which means being honest. Takes courage to voice concerns and feelings.

The masculine wants to feel safe to be himself before he can open. The more you relax and are in your body and come from your heart, speak from your heart. Let your defenses down, let him into your heart and an emotional bond will be formed. 

Powerful Desire Meditation to attract Love using feeling words.

As within so Without. Creating a feeling of Love and desire within ourselves attracts in the desired Love. Experiment with this Desire meditation. Focuses on feeling words rather than visuals, as feelings create our reality. Focus on Love and you vibrate at the

Frequency of Love, more able to fully love other people and to love ourselves/

Higher Love Desire Meditation