by Sue DeGregorio-Rosen RN, CLNC, Contributing Editor
Born with a wonderfully suggestive body allows the self-perception that I can trust my body’s natural boundaries. I pay close attention to those parts offering the most pleasureful sensations.
All anatomies have their erogenous zones. I like to feel and experience mine.
I relish the sensual. Taking a bath in warm essential oils and water with bubbles is delightful. The smell of fresh baked breads and pastries, the scent of a newborn, the touch of a soft blanket, the feeling of the warm sun soaking into my skin….my body is a temple for my pleasure. It deserves to feel good.
I teach self-love and wellness in recovery. I love to see my students perk up when I announce my topic. That stirs something inside of me. I feel pleasure in teaching, in watching my students light up, and in knowing how I can provide a positive impact. Self-care is the essence of a healthy soul.
Each day I look over my syllabus. I wonder how students will gain something from what I talk about. Participation is encouraged.
Interestingly, one afternoon as I was headed out the door one of my students stopped me. He was a young man, an Adonis in the making with the deepest set of dark eyes and beautiful smile, he asked if we could go for coffee and talk a little more in depth about self-care. Off we went to a local Starbucks that was within walking distance. I ordered my favorite matcha tea latte, he ordered a rich dark coffee that had a wonderful aroma. My sense of smell was entranced.
We sat outside on a bench overlooking a pond where two swans were drifting in the water that reflected the blue sky. The warmth of the sun on my skin affected my inner glow.
He asked me how one evolves from self-care and how we become comfortable in our own skin in the recovery process. I told him that my belief is that this is what we are here for, to evolve through the wisdom of learning, and we attempt to find other people who are experiencing that moment. And, when we stop trying to fit in through masking our feelings, by self-medicating, we learn to appreciate our inner beauty, and that others learn to see just that.
We sat quietly for moments, and then he took my hand in his.
This feels good, he said.
Tell me why, I asked.
I look at you, and I see a beautiful, mature and self-assured woman.
I explained very simply that I am grateful for all that I have learned, and that I understand that I am not done learning or growing. We then talked about what that means – to learn to believe in oneself, to be kind to yourself.
I took his hand and placed it on my heart and asked him what he felt. I allowed him to move his hand down my breast, as my nipple hardened. My hand reached for his thigh.
This feels really good.
I told him to touch himself and laughed when he said he could not do that, noting that the outline of his excitement was visible. His hand moved slowly from my breast, gently finding his way beneath my skirt, exploring what boundaries he might cross. He encouraged my own needs and desires to embrace my beauty and sexuality with a man half my age. My legs opened, inviting him to continue.
He felt my wetness, my womanhood swelled, though eroticism is more than touch, his fingers further awakened my senses, we both wanted more. It was both raw and disarmingly beautiful to hear him whisper “you are hot as fuck”.
I knew we should stop. I longed for him to continue, but I wanted him to see me as a whole person, a guide, a teacher that could show him how I could listen to my instincts and unearth my authentic self so that he could disclose himself.
And so, we parted ways, with a smile and a kiss that was so sweet.
I haven’t seen him since, which is just as well. I hope he has found some value through my classes and our brief interlude in what life can teach us, that he has learned some boundaries through my kindness and experience. Our senses are so alive when we no longer look to numb them. To become our own evolving, authentic self. It’s so worth it!