by Sue DeGregorio-Rosen, RN, CLNC, Contributing Editor
“Don’t do it!”
I have told myself, this simple statement for as long as I can remember when uncertain of what I was getting myself into.
I went ahead. When I would stop and think about this simple request, it would strike an inner chord. Don’t do what? Don’t go there, don’t get involved, don’t take that job, don’t sleep with that guy, as if this was a challenge. You see, if the mood was there, so was I.
There are no excuses for making rash decisions, when our gut speaks to us, an innate warning makes itself known much of the time, so why do we? Some of us are afraid to be alone, some fear another opportunity will not present itself, and maybe some of us just like the challenge. It’s exciting and scary and sexy. And so, we will find ourselves attracted to someone or something that is not good for us, and we know this, how? Because our heart and our gut tell us so or is there something else?
I second guess myself. And while I’m at it, I try to teach people how to treat me.
Have you ever read The Law of Attraction? It describes knowing the power of the mind and what we think. We attract what we put out to the universe. And the Universe returns the favor. Perhaps. Or not?
But what we do not realize is that the Universe is much more powerful than we are. I am not all that powerful. I am very smart, attractive, and present myself in a respectable, driven sometimes naughty manner…….yet, I am attracted to that provocation. I am provoked by the unknown.
After having quite a few flings in my 20’s, I went on a hiatus. I decided I was going to spend an entire summer, as we call it in Jersey – down the shore. My goal was to evolve my own view of people, places, and things without being in a relationship, to be able to be as fluent in a 65-year-old mind, and as in a 25-year-old with time as just another as an artificial absolute. I wanted to the unknown, to be both and in between drawing from dual influences, without definition.
I took a taxi down to a hotel and that afternoon found myself walking down the boardwalk of Spring Lake, I took in my surroundings. I loved coming up with thoughts and ideas as I grew and became more comfortable with exploring the unknowns.
One evening I met the most delightful couple that I was remarkably comfortable with, who invited me to their lovely little beach chateau to have dinner. They were both well into their 50’s, beautifully tone and attractive, and so well versed. We talked for hours over dinner and into the night. I learned how they met, their dreams and lots of other things that I hadn’t yet thought of coming from a different point of view.
I was mesmerized, with the wife’s long blonde waves and fine lines whenever she smiled, and he, with her husband’s silver hair and the body of a young man, fit, both tan and incredibly sultry. We discussed art as a perception, and as a photographer I found myself in a position where it was to my advantage to want more. My friends have always joked that I was way too inquisitive, and there was never any way I could possibly find someone with every single quality I found irresistible. I also had my doubts, but as we spoke late into the night, I began to edit my list marveling at how loving this couple was and how they seem to have taken me under their wing, so yes, I wanted more. I refined what my ideal relationship would be like.
They each took my hand, and we walked out onto the beach, barefoot. I always loved the feel of sand under my feet. ” Look at the moon” said this goddess, who then took my face into both her hands and gently kissed my lips. Her kisses were soft and sweet, I had never been turned on by a woman before. She began to unbutton my sundress, each time asking, “is this alright” and I nodded yes, intoxicated by the moment. I wore nothing under my dress, yet I let her continue. Each moment, aware but not sure of where this was going, I let her touch me in those places. My breasts are lovely, and she told me so, as she kissed my nipples, and asked again if she could continue. I didn’t answer but didn’t stop her. Her husband looked on, he caught my eye, as she continued, and he understood that I was hungry for this experience. He moved closer to me, kissing my neck. Their kisses were erotic, and I wanted to make love with them both. We were three people, entwined together, passionate, and so very hot as we dropped to the sand, the ocean waves crashing around us.
My mind questioned me, what was I doing? I was having sex with 2 strangers that I had just met, older, and I had never done anything like this before. This is a threesome – my alarms went off! Sensing my hesitation, we stopped, three naked souls, lying on the beach under that beautiful moon.
I asked questions, why are we doing this? I wanted to know if this was the sort of thing they were into, did they know this would happen. Both laughed as my female companion began to explain, while her husband stayed quiet and continued to explore my body, never forcefully, always respectfully. His hands gently aroused me. I felt his fingers slide into my wetness, with a slow rhythm, rocking me to orgasm, both watching me, my reaction as he is licking and using his fingers all at once, feeling how my legs move, watching my body arch from pleasure, as I explode. I let out a moan.
“We are all one in this Universe. Once you understand the key to the Law of Attraction you are free, free to take charge of your life, with divine guidance from the Universe. You no longer hold yourself back from worry or the negative which hold us back. And we, my sweet girl, are having an experience with the Universe’s permission. What you feel tonight is love.”
And so, the “don’t do it” echoed quietly but I did it anyway. And it was okay. We dressed quietly and left the beach. They asked me if I would like to spend the night, but I politely declined, thanking them for their hospitality. As I was about to leave, they both kissed me goodnight and thanked me. I left them. knowing that I learned something that may never happen again, that I made a conscious decision and to respect the Law of Attraction in whichever way it presents itself.