Reviewed by LJ Frank
A personal take: The Third Edition (2017 paperback) was/is a nuanced, thought-provoking study with a positive, open orientation towards the consensual non-monogamous lifestyle as well as all lifestyles. It moves further away from the pre-twentieth first century double standard held for men and women and their sexual roles. The approach is gender neutral. The title perhaps is more provocative than the content. It is a pragmatic and classic look into sexual relationships while peering into the actual and potential effects on the participants. Issues such as jealousy, owning your own emotions, and control among others are discussed with frankness and depth.
Behavior evolves as do attitudes. Politicians and public officials tend to moralize and budgets can be an instrument in deciding what is of value to any given person and the material which they can have access to and read. Hypocrisy may be human but our technologies are transcending our personal and public philosophies.
Exploitation comes in many shapes and the authors of the study are aware and write about it. There is much written on consensual non-monogamy today. The authors helped lead the way. This work/study/map/guide into human sexual relationships is basic, honest, transparent, and still, for some controversial. It seeks a humane understanding to the various forms of intimate relationships and lifestyles. It states things as they exist. Albeit, there are some over generalized statements about men and women in my opinion…a bit of stereotyping, but overall the understanding is informative.
The discussion of polyamory in its various configurations may seem rather worn given the context of our present day but it remains relevant and of obvious interest looking at data of Internet usage and human behavior, both marital and extramarital.
The authors are well versed in their subject matter that focuses on the multi-layered levels involved in ethical consensual non-monogamy. Written in lay terms, it is highly readable, though not exhaustive, it brings a wealth of clarity to the dynamics of our continually evolving/adapting intimacy/sexual paradigms. Desire is more than just about sex.
The study has a place for those wishing to explore a more independent understanding of various lifestyles that are open and loving. It’s not for everyone, no book, philosophy or lifestyle is and that’s recognized.
The first edition, published in 1997 was written for those who are curious and wanting thoughtful and learned information based on actual experience. Each successive edition expands on the original premise with the Third Edition recognizing the changes in human behavior and the resulting nuances in this text are evident. Whatever lifestyle you find yourself in – know thyself.
