Guest Column by Hilary Bowring, Contributing Editor
What is reality?
The trip began after my husband died suddenly, which in the traditional explanation meant he had gone, left my life, gone to heaven. And truly to me it felt like a trap door had closed on his physicality. Extreme grief consumed me over the loss of this exceedingly handsome, fully evolved human being, to the degree that it felt like my own death.
And yet, who was still with me. In my head talking to me. Instructing me to do things regarding his funeral and afterwards regarding the distribution of gifts to friends. At that point in time I could hear his voice very plainly and wrote the words down as they came. Sometimes he would say “We got it wrong Hil”. Especially in our shared belief when he was alive – do good and good will be returned—as we had not encountered the ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?” question. That arose after he died. In fact after he died I zero based my beliefs, as clearly they were untrue, otherwise he would have survived.
Sometimes the words he was saying in my head seemed irrational, they didn’t fit with my understanding at the time and I would want to change them to make more sense to me. “Stop adjudicating Hil” he would say. “Just write it down”. And this literal recording of his newly forming philosophical ideas opened me up to completely new visions and perceptions. I was no longer writing in my own hand. I was trying to reflect his hand as best as I could and he opened me up to new ways of looking at life.
Answering his key question in life: “What is reality?
And there were no answers at the time. He even survived a near death experience which reinforced our belief that he was spared because there was something important for him to do here in his physical life. An expectation that added to the shock of his sudden death. Expectations can bring on our deepest disappointments.
From Spirit he introduced me to perceiving life as a Soul Journey with challenges in place to better understand humanity with compassion and expand awareness of our divine nature. Even terrible challenges can offer a nugget of new awareness after the pain has eased with time for reflection.
How Life is about the importance of appreciating the sensual experiences, feeling the feelings. He would say “feel one side, feel the other”. How in the depth of my grief there could be the seemingly impossible idea of Joy again, if I faced and felt the pain. Our culture tends to seek pleasure to avoid pain whereas our physical experiences and emotions imprint a deep understanding at a soul level. This is the gift of the journey.
At the same time there was not only his voice, there was his full energetic presence. When I was crying initially, as he tried to comfort me. Especially when dancing in the kitchen he would come over me, palpably and distinctively him and direct my dance moves into alignment. Sometimes I could see his outline in front of me and dance separately until he came in and we merged. His energy was very attuned to mine. Eventually close friends watched this dance and could see the energy change when we merged, the change in movement was visible. And it didn’t stop with the dancing the energetic alignment was also in the bedroom, I could feel his love and sexual energy there strongly.
I am an Energy Healer now and by birth I would say. I used ‘hands-on’ healing with clear results during my life with David. Frequently surprised when he’d recover from an alcoholic binge swiftly after the healing. I took an Energy Healing course after he died, hoping that would be a way to bypass myself. I could and can feel energy easily and amplified this gift through my desire to continue to connect with him.
The erotic connection became more and more powerful. In the bedroom the room seemed subtle and fluid. I had to be willing and open sitting on the side of the bed where I could see myself in a long mirror.. The erotic sense of ‘the other’ was there. I was seductively clothed and swayed and felt my full erotic energy. He became enthralled. His energy enveloped my body. I was feeling the result of physical touch on my sensate system without any physical touch. I could hear his voice. My body moved in response to his instructions. I followed the spiralling energy in my body, I opened my thighs and allowed the energy of his penetration. My nipples went hard and aroused. I didn’t need to touch myself at all. By following his energy and allowing his thrust to enter, my whole energy system responded and I had multiple orgasms along with the sweetest of love at the same time. Magnificent.
Side story of Energy Power:
In 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer, Non Hodgkin’s lymphoma, it presented with leg swelling such that I couldn’t walk and the lymph nodes in my left groin were the most swollen and enlarged. I didn’t feel fear at the diagnosis. More like Why?
In the 80s thanks to the work of Louise Hay I learned that physical disease comes from subconscious beliefs and stuck emotions interfering with our energy flow. I sought in meditation to find the emotional block, the energetic belief in my subconscious underlying this condition. It was about sexual prudery, I was over-conditioned to be a good girl, suppressing my natural sexual nature.
Before this revelation I used to draw the curtains and cover the photographs of my spiritual teachers prior to my erotic love making with my husband. After the diagnosis and along with chemotherapy treatment I changed the energy in my bedroom, curtains wide open, and teachers photos present. Changed into a sexual Celebration. Cancer has never returned
Culmination.
The After Life Question
We wonder about the after life…All I can share is the palpable experience of a Spirit continuing, desiring to help me with very mind-expanding teachings. I believe those who have passed have the ability to affect us on the physical plane by words of guidance and their energetic presence. Only thing in the way is our disbelief.
Meditation can summon the spirits of those we love past and present and future:
However there are also examples of people having negative experiences with those who passed with issues unresolved. Not always sweetness and light.
I talked to a friend of mine tonight and she had a very mystical experience with her late father. She regularly felt his presence in her home and was disconcerted. After taking Ayahuasca she had a vivid connection with him where he expressed deep sorrow at having hurt her. The inter-dimensional experience was real and helped her to heal. Soul journeys and contracts go beyond linear time, across the dimensions. It’s never too late to forgive and forget.
We can deal with unresolved difficulties in Meditation
